The Gift of Healing: How Your Personal Growth Creates Balance for Your Kids
There’s a moment every mother faces when the exhaustion and chaos blur together into one long day of sleepless nights, constant questions, and that sinking feeling of "am I doing this right?"
I remember the exact feeling as I sat with my copy of Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Baby, reading the same chapter over and over again. I was desperate to figure out how to get my baby to take a nap. It seemed simple: follow these steps, and voila—your baby will sleep. But it didn’t happen like that.
I couldn’t understand how someone like me—an achiever, a problem solver—couldn’t master something so basic. I felt defeated, exhausted, and underneath all of that, like I had failed at something mothers are supposed to just know how to do.
The struggle didn’t end with the baby phase. As my child grew, so did the challenges. Homework time was full of tears and overwhelm. I would watch him pull at his pant legs, gripping the fabric out of frustration. I would sit beside him, trying to help, trying to logically explain the homework question. But it wasn’t helping. We both ended up overwhelmed and emotional. And again, I was faced with the truth: I couldn’t fix it. No matter how much I wanted to, no matter how hard I tried.
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The Journey of Surrender
As the years passed and my child moved into their teens, I had to face something I wish I had known earlier: I cannot control everything. I cannot mold him into the person I think he should be. He’s on his own journey, just like I was when I was growing up. And that’s hard to accept.
As mothers, we want to hold our children—literally when they’re little, and emotionally as they grow. We want to protect them, guide them, and keep them on the right path. But there’s only so much we can do. We can support them emotionally, morally, and spiritually. We can set boundaries and provide guidance. But we cannot control the outcome.
What I’ve come to realize is that while we’re busy trying to control everything, we often overlook how deeply our kids are attuned to our energy. They absorb the tension and stress we carry in our homes and reflect it right back to us. It’s no different than when my son and I were both stressed during homework time—my frustration fed into his, and we mirrored that stress back and forth. If we’re not careful, our own chaos becomes theirs, creating a cycle of tension that impacts the whole family.
So here’s the real question: What’s the energy in your home? Is it calm, loving, and balanced? Or is it rushed, tense, and chaotic? Think about it. What’s the vibe in your house during the mornings before school, in the car on the way to activities, or at the dinner table?
This isn’t about making you feel guilty. This is about acknowledgement, and know you are not alone, I was you. This is your invitation to pause and really look at how we, as mothers, contribute to the energy in our homes. It’s easy to get caught up in trying to fix our kids’ emotions when, in reality, the work that needs to be done is within us.
The truth is, the answer isn’t in a parenting book or a podcast about raising teens. The answer is inside of you. The moment you start healing yourself—releasing the anger and frustration you’ve been holding onto, letting go of the judgment and the expectations you carry—then you create space to show up for your children in a more loving, open way.
Our kids don’t need us to be perfect. They need us to be human. To acknowledge when we’re wrong, to apologize when we’ve overreacted, and to show them what it looks like to grow and evolve as a person. They need to see us healing, so they know it’s okay to heal too.
I’ll never forget a morning with my teenage daughter when everything seemed to be falling apart—she was stressed about her clothes, her hair wasn’t cooperating, and the pressure of a big test at school was weighing on her. In those moments, it’s so easy to snap, to offer solutions like, “Your hair looks fine,” or “Just pick something and go.” But I didn’t. Instead, I quietly made her bed and picked up her Chromebook, softening the space around her without saying a word. It wasn’t about fixing her problems; it was about creating an environment where she could feel a little less overwhelmed.
That’s what our kids need from us. Not solutions, not fixes, but a place where they feel safe to just be. And that only happens when we’ve done the work on ourselves.
How to Move Forward
So, parents, this is your call to action. Start with yourself. Heal the parts of you that are still carrying old anger, resentment, and fear. Release the need to control every outcome, and watch how everything starts to shift in your home. When we heal, we create space for our kids to heal too.
Imagine if you grew up in a home where your parents didn’t yell, didn’t shame, and actually apologized when they were wrong. Imagine being met with calm energy, not chaos. Who would you be today?
We can’t change the past, but we can change how we show up for our children today. We have the power to create a home where our kids feel safe, loved, and understood. This is not about being perfect. It’s about being present, about showing up with love and grace, and about healing yourself so that you can offer your children a softer, more balanced version of yourself. They need you, not as the fixer of their problems, but as the calm in their storm.
You’ve got this. You can create a home where your children feel safe to express their big emotions without fear or shame. It starts with you. When you heal yourself, you heal the space around you, and that is the greatest gift you can give them.
With love,
From one Mother to another
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