The Hardest Part About Co-Parenting Isn’t What You Think

A Different Kind of Grief

Healing after divorce and co-parenting isn’t something anyone dreams of—but it’s a reality many walk through silently. Your heart is still beating for your babies, but the life you imagined feels like it’s cracked down the middle.

You did everything they told you to do. You followed the traditional path, checked the boxes, and built a life rooted in stability and family. You had the wedding. You read every word of What to Expect When You’re Expecting. You knew when your baby was the size of a poppy seed and when they became the size of a cantaloupe.

When Motherhood Doesn’t Look Like You Pictured

You cut their food into perfect little pieces.
You learned baby sign language.
You practiced sleep training.
You bought the monogrammed Easter outfits.
You poured your whole self into creating a home that felt safe, soft, and structured.

You were all in. And now… here you are.
Holding the pieces of a life that doesn’t look anything like what you planned. The emotional weight of healing after divorce and co-parenting isn’t just about the schedule—it’s about grieving the loss of what was and learning to show up whole for what is.

Divorce wasn’t on your vision board. You didn’t picture yourself standing alone in your kitchen on a Saturday morning without a sticky-fingered toddler tugging on your shirt or a tween asking for pancakes.

Maybe you didn’t choose this.
Maybe it still doesn’t feel real.

Maybe just a year ago, you were planning your future together.
And now, the person you once loved—maybe still love—sleeps under a different roof.
And your kids, your whole world, don’t sleep in your home every night.

The Truth No One Talks About

This is the part of co-parenting after divorce that no one prepares you for:

• The grief of shared custody
• The identity crisis
• The guilt when you enjoy the quiet… and the guilt when you don’t
• The loneliness masked by your brave face

I know. Because I’ve been there.

Here’s something I had to learn the hard way:
The love you have for your children isn’t measured by how many nights they sleep at your house.

Your bond with them was never built on proximity.
It was built on thousands of intentional, love-filled moments.
That bond lives in them. It’s not going anywhere.

The Real Work of Co-Parenting

But here’s what might surprise you most:
The hardest part of healing after divorce and co-parenting isn’t the empty house or the custody schedule.

It’s doing the work to heal your own heart.

Because unhealed pain?
It finds a way to leak out—
In the subtle digs.
In the tone of your voice.
In the tension your children can feel but don’t understand.

And they shouldn’t have to carry that. Your children deserve to love both of their parents—fully and freely.

Just like your heart is big enough to love more than one child, their hearts are big enough to love both of you. That’s not betrayal. That’s healthy.

You can want to be with them every day…
And still trust that their relationship with their other parent is important too.
Both can be true.

Your role has shifted. But it’s still sacred.

You’re no longer just managing snacks and school pickups—
You’re managing your own emotional energy.
You’re showing your kids how to grieve, how to heal, and how to rise.

You may not get every holiday.
You may not always be the “fun” parent.
But you can be the grounded one.
The safe one.
The healed one.

That will matter more than anything.

It Starts With You

If you’re sitting in a quiet house today wondering who you are now, let me remind you:

You are still their mother.
You are still the home they come back to.
And you are more than capable of building a beautiful life in this new chapter.

The most important work you can do for your children isn’t just organizing the logistics—
It’s the inner work.
Not to be perfect… but to be whole.

To let go of resentment.
To rewrite the story.
To learn how to live a full, meaningful life—even with a custody schedule.

You don’t have to do it alone.
But you do have to do the work.

And it starts with you. If you’re walking the path of healing after divorce and co-parenting, let this be your reminder: you are still the safe place.

Need help? Inquire for Coaching or purchase my course called “The Modern Marriage Blueprint” dedicated to helping couples manage the trials and tribulations of marriage.

– Molly Rubesh